In the last year or so of my mum’s life, she played in a folk group called Front Room Folk. She played the violin and had been a musician her whole life, but playing in this folk group was a whole new kind of love for her- she’d call me saying how much she was loving learning the music and playing with such cheerful and relaxed people. It made a change to how stressed she was around other people in her life. 

When she died, the folk group played at her wake- one of the best decisions we made. By the end, people were dancing and singing, and remembering mum in such a better way than sitting around feeling somber. She would have loved it. So when we found out they were playing their usual Sunday night at a pub in Hove on the anniversary, we went with my younger sister and her friend to watch them play. My sister had come along with my mum before but I never had, so it was scary to see these people who had known my mother in such a different way to me. I liked it though- but hearing people talk about her was draining at times. My way of coping is by pushing it down inside, and every time someone talks about it it’s like picking a scab and making it bleed. 

I’m glad we went. But it was scary and exhausting and lovely at the same time. Strange mix! I’ve posted a video on my Facebook if you have that, and I’ll also post on our tumblr-https://ayearoffearblog.tumblr.com if you want to see them play. They’re very good! 


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